Halloween is in Town

I saw "Anti-Christ" by Lars von Trier a few days back. I'm not sure that this time I was convinced of the necessity to have this much of visual challenge/provocation. But, who knows, maybe it was necessary, if the point was indeed to show the "evil" nature of humans and, in fact, of nature as a whole. Anyway, after the initial shock wave that reinforced my suspicions about the core of female nature, I was eventually more horrified by the inability of Him to feel anything, even when being tortured or while killing Her. Of course, I immediately reflected Him onto myself (or vise versa) and questioned my inability to share the joy and pain of those around me (except for my nephew, in him, somehow, I see my childhood with all it's sensitivities). And I found this poem that I wrote 4 years ago, to prove to myself that very same disturbing thought:


"Halloween is in Town"

It's a Halloween night in town
It's cold and it rains and it snows
but it's gonna be sunny and warm again tomorrow,
the weather bug on my PC desktop says.

It's a Halloween night in town
and I'm drinking in my friend's apartment,
alone...
waiting for a phone call
for someone to take me out
somewhere, anywhere
where there are people and there's music and there is life

It's Halloween
Streets are noisy and bars are full tonight in town
It rains cheap beer and diluted whiskey mixed with snow
"Everybody is cold and stiff right now
but they'll be hot and singing after midnight,"
I say to myself,
on the somber iron-clad balcony
with a dying cigarette in hand.


It's Halloween time in town
every girl is a cheap bitch tonight
and every man is a diluted clown
sex is in the air,
mixed with ice-cold frustration
and delusions of a warmer morning

It's Halloween tonight
so I put my favorite jeans
my warn-out silk shirt
and a leather jacket I borrowed from a friend
like at any other night
I leave,
and jump into the crowd
alone...

It's Halloween everywhere
cheesy pop fills the bars in town.
So I kiss drunk bitches
who say they're
bunnies, nurses, French maids, Hollywood celebs, porn stars ...
I talk to frustrated clowns
who pretend to be
pimps, Supermen, Spidermen, Fuckingmen, somethingmen...

I catch a cab,
go to another bar
catch a cab again
to a new club
and another cab
and another crowd...

I almost get in fight with a Superman
jealous for having kissed his nurse.
I get hit by a farmer gay.
I get the phone number of a Puerto Rican tourist girl.
I get drunk with cheep beer and diluted whiskey mixed with coke.
I get this, I get that...
I leave...


It's the end of a Halloween night
it's cold and it rains and it snows
and I'm walking on the dirty street
back to the iron-clad balcony,
alone...

my jeans are wet,
my warn-out silk shirt soaked in tobacco
and I look the way I do on every other night,
in the leather jacket I borrowed from a friend

Halloween was in town
and every girl was a dirty bitch tonight
and every man a frustrated clown
"like on any other night,"
I say to myself,
lighting a last cigarette,
thinking of the weather bug on my PC desktop.
"It's gonna be warm and sunny again tomorrow"

But there will be no one
by me
in my bed
in that bright morning,
fucking stupid bug...

[October-30-2005, Boston, MA]